Inkheart - Cornelia Funke, Anthea Bell



Alright, fine. I apologize for my overly meme title. But that's basically all I could come up with after marathoning just under a hundred pages in one very, very boring 45-minute testing period. And then I may or may not have taken the time during my science class we needed to take notes on some weird investigating history thing I'll have to google later to get all the way up to the point where Mo tells Fenoglio that his characters have become living, breathing things OH MY GOD. 


I don't even remember this scene, but I'm just imagining the feelings. I write books. Well, short stories, but still, I love my characters to death. Even the evil ones. I hold them so dear to my heart, but imagining them being real? At first I'd be delighted, then I'd be terrified. I'm starting to think that this book isn't a book lover's worst nightmare, it's a writer's one. 


If you read one of my characters out of a book, I'd punch you in the face I swear to god. 


The point of books is the fact that they don't exist. So you can experience the thrill and the tenseness and the nerves of whatever fucked up form of torture your demented villain enjoys and then close the book...later. But the laws of this universe, I'm assuming, mean that the events of a book and its world and its universe and its characters, all exist somewhere. That real people in some other alternate state of being go through hell and it's all your fault. 


Can I throw up now? 


Just think about how Fenoglio's feeling right now! That poor bastard is probably transitioning through the five stages of grief. (god, i mention those a lot, don't i?) He thought there was just this lame guy out for a collector's edition, and now he's being told that his characters are real. 


Like, real real. 


Is it just me or is this book a big bag of nope? 


Speaking of things being a big bag of nope, let's talk about Capricorn's weird ass village. All that bullshit torture, those fucked up guards, those stories, Basta's weirdly early-on reveal of his greatest weakness (unless it ISN'T holy shit that's the afraid of water guy, isn't it? there's always an afraid of water guy), I'm not going to say that they're the best villain crew of all time, but it's pretty damn safe to say that they're all at least a five on the scary spectrum.


Not bad.